Barack Hussein Einstein at Harvard
By James Davis
AmericanThinker.com
There's a funny
story about Barack Obama at Harvard Law, both funny-ha-ha
and funny-peculiar. It involves one of
those cloud-borne Himalayan intellects of liberalism, Professor
Larry Tribe, the Tyler Professor of Constitutional Law at one of the
most prestigious law schools in the United States. Tribe is the
legal giant who is always a bridesmaid but never a bride for the
Supremes.
And
yea verily, the Professor met and held converse with The Blessed
Lightworker Himself back in the nineties. The story doesn't say if
they were both stoned out of their minds when they got together, but
it's the only explanation I can think of. What happened is so weird
and so discreditable to all concerned that I don't know whether to
laugh or cry. Still, nobody in the liberal media seems to get the
joke...which tells you a lot.
Professor Tribe, it appears, made it really big in academic law by
writing trendy postmodern articles like "Toward
a Syntax of the Unsaid: Construing the Sounds of Congressional and
Constitutional Silence," "The Constitution in Cyberspace," "Toward
a Metatheory of Free Speech," "Trial by Mathematics," and even
"Seven Deadly Sins of Straining the Constitution through a
Pseudo-Scientific Sieve," which turned it all into self-parody,
because pseudo-science is exactly what made Larry Tribe's big
reputation. This academic disease is commonly described as "physics
envy." It arises out of academic inferiority complexes, with
everybody wanting to do fake physics because that is
real science.
If
you remember those old po-mo days, that kind of stuff was standard
pomotwaddle designed to impress innocent young students and the
Board of Trustees. No sane person believed it.
Alan Sokal
famously hoaxed a po-mo journal into accepting a nonsense physics
article, and then revealed their ignorance to the world.
Postmodernism never recovered.
Professor Tribe comes right out of a great comedy tradition of
long-winded professors spouting obvious claptrap to fool the
suckers. Shakespeare used that gag with Polonius in Hamlet. Groucho
Marx used it. Molière became famous for his "scholar" in the
suckered Bourgeois Gentleman. Greek and
Roman comedy writers used it. Every humorist in history has used
that shtick, because it's funny. But it takes a postmodern professor
of law to make it real.
By
the '90s Larry Tribe had risen to become the Tyler Professor of
Constitutional Law, based on the depth and profundity of his
cockamamie legal scholarship. I guess. And then, a magical moment in
history when great minds meet...it was Michelangelo and Leonardo,
Plato and Socrates, Larry, Moe and Curly.
Barack Hussein Obama
Barry Soetoro, Jr. walks into Larry Tribe's office.
Now
you can't blame Obama for this one. Poor kid, he just wandered into
the big professor's office one day, right off the beach at Waikiki
by way of LA and Columbia, a real stoner with a chip on his shoulder
about race, because that was the in thing to do. It was a great time
for radical chic. Racial rage was the way to get into Harvard in the
'90s. Here was a black guy, or close enough, and he had a radical
idea for Larry Tribe: Why not apply Albert
Einstein to Constitutional law? I mean, why not?
Long
sucking sound on a fat joint.
Creaky voice from Barry: "Pass it on, man..."
Larry creaks back, "Yeah, man, good s--t."
Barry: "Cosmic! Like, it's Relativity...or
Quantum...or ummm... suthin...Albert Einstein, man...lookut..."
(laughter all around).
Suddenly, they both have the same idea.
Larry and Barry in unison: "Let's do it, man!"
I
wasn't there, but it's the only thing that makes sense.
So
Larry wrote up his Harvard Law Review
shtick on "Curved Space and Constitutional Law,"
and the rigorous peer review process at the Law Review went into
high gear, and yes, they okayed it. A real contribution to
constitutional law.
Through the magic of Google Scholar, you can dig it out and pass it
along to your friends. It's destined to become infamous, right along
with that German physics lab that started eco-freaks around the
world jumping in unison at one second past midnight, 3/31/2008, to
make the planet ring real loud. Pass it around, folks. A lot of them
tried it, but not quite enough to jar the earth out of orbit. Too
bad.
Now, any high school science teacher could have told Professor Tribe
how the curvature of space bears on constitutional law: It doesn't.
There is not a smidgen of relevance. None. Physics and the law only
get together around bloodstains and such, and even then you have to
slug your way through chemistry and biology to get there. Wiser
heads should have told the Tyler Professor of Constitutional Law at
Harvard, "Don't even go there, Larry -- you'll
become a laughingstock." There are real scientists and
engineers at Harvard, not to mention students, who can instantly
spot the difference between science fantasy and the real thing, and
neither have anything to do with the Constitution.
So much for getting on the Supremes, Larry. Just
don't do it! Don't even think about it.
Larry
wrote it up anyway.
Physicist Frank J. Tipler has described Tribe's paper as
"crackpot physics,"
but that was too kind. This is pure out-of-your-mind stone-head
Amateur Hour. It makes sense only if you're hallucinating really
badly.
And
Barack Hussein Obama, Jr. got only a footnote. ("S--t,
man, only a footnote? What's the matter, I'm the wrong color or
sumthin? You don't want Hussein on that article? You don't like my
stash?")
This may be why Elena Kagan was clowning it up for the cameras at
the Senate Judiciary Committee rather than for Professor Tribe.
Obama never forgets a slight. Plus, even Harvard should be able to
spot arrant nonsense from its tenured faculty after three or four
decades of reading it. Plus, Larry Tribe looks too heterosexual.
Three strikes, you're out!
Still, the lowbrows in Obama's White House and the WaPo still look
with superstitious awe at that magic moment in the '90s when two
Renaissance Minds met and sparked off a stunning new insight into
constitutional law. The stoners at
Harvard Crimson
were duly impressed, and Moveon.org thought it was Totally Awesome,
Man. The
Washington Post
apostrophized,
Obama analyzed and
integrated Einstein's theory of relativity, the Heisenberg
uncertainty principle, as well as the concept of curved space as
an alternative to gravity, for a Law Review article that Tribe
wrote titled,"The Curvature of Constitutional Space."
Ah, the sophisticates
of D.C. were in bliss. Only physicists and engineers around the
world were getting rolling fits of the giggles. Axelrod and the WaPo
are still honestly proud of that Einstein-and-the-Constitution
story, so much that they publicized it in a WaPo puff-piece for El
Jefe Supremo. The WaPo and the White House are still dumb enough to
believe it, and they have never heard from a real-life high school
science teacher to tell them it's all bull pucky.
In Romania under the Ceauşescus, the state-run
media portrayed Nicolae as "The Genius of the Carpathians" and
attributed scientific breakthroughs to his wife Elena. We haven't
gone quite that far, but the media cult of the personality
surrounding Obama is trending into self-discrediting territory.